Safar

Lambi si sadak thi koi

naam kisi ko yaad na tha,

bas thande se pairon pe

chalte rehna ek dastoor sa tha.

saamp saa kabhi tedha medha

toh sui si kabhi seedhi

gusse ki tarah tez

toh pyaar sa kabhi bhola

safar ke saare rang the ye

yaa unke chalne ke dhang the ye

mausam dhundla raha tha

yaa ankhein dagmaga rahin thi

khush ho jaate paas ke manzar se

ghaas ki hariyali yaa jharne ki kilkaari se

sannata bhi lekin door nahi rehta

jab aata garam ret ya bimaar khet.

chalte rehte hain lekin woh musafir

rukte, thakte par kabhi naa haarte

lambi si sadak pe koi

shayad zindagi kehke jisey pukarte.

Chapter 3 - Swim or Die

It was a close call last time and AJ was furious that his life was such a stupid script. Boredom had brought him to India, but the adventure was a bit too much to handle. He would probably look back and cherish the near death experience when he was old and playing saamp-seedi (the besht board game ever) with his friends on his porch, but for now he needed to break a leg and have some (wheat) beer. So, he took out his iPhone and started looking for clubs around him. The screen read "Really?" with 2 tap-on boxes "Hell Yeah" and " Gotcha, I am so funny". AJ was irritated and tapped the first box. He was greeted with a massive virtual boxing punch of max intensity and the screen read "Dobara mat poochna!". He was about to smash the iPhone on ground, when he looked around and had an "Aha" moment. He had teleported into another small village (Rampur again). No wonder, his phone couldn't find a club around and so was playing with him. But, he really needed to have a good time and suddenly Sunny Paaji's voice started playing in his head "Khoob jamega rang jab mil baithenge 3 yaar. Aap, mai aur bagpiper club soda". So, off he went to Sunny paaji's house.

The paaji mansion was huge with 40 feet cutouts of suny paaji ravaging the goons with his handpump and romancing the chics in his truck. There was a loud-speaker lying on the couch and the genius AJ was, he immidiately understood the protocol. He picked it up and started announcing, "Baa mulayaza hosiyaar, jalaludin fikratuh blah blah blah, sher-e-sultanat blah AJ haazir ho rahe hain". Sunny paaji arrived to receive his guest with a garland in one hand and a scotch in another. AJ used to write to Sunny Paaji and having a nobel laureate as a fan made Paaji extremely happy. Paaji also understood why this man was called a genius. He had inferred the protocol of the house just by looking at the loud-speaker. "waah waah" was on his mind. After initial pleasantries, the 3 of them sat down so that "rang jam sakey". AJ was very tired and so he was high in no time and he started saying/blabbering, "Paaji bas ek regret reh gaya hai, saali buoyancy ke baare mai kitaab padh daale, lekin swimming nahi seekh paaya..ha-he.he-he."

Paaji was a very sentimental man. Unse kisika dard nahi dekha jaata tha. So, he just grabbed Aj's collar and said, "Jo dar gaya, samjho mar gaya" and threw him in a pond near his mansion (Yeah not pool, pond jahan sab gulty hero/heroines go and cry). The pond had crocs, aligators etc and AJ was freaked out of his drunk mind. Why would Paaji try to kill him. Faced with death, all the buoyancy lessons started to work in practice. The scotch was also lending a hand. He started swimming slowly, but he was still scared. Surprisingly, the alligators were slower than him. He somehow came back to the land and saw paaji smiling. He was like wtf man, I could have died there. Paaji said, "tumhare darr ko nikalne ka aur koi tareeka nahi tha. Ye alligators to mere pets hain, ye sirf kutton (bad guys) ko khate hain". Ye sunke, AJ started shedding "khushi ke aansoo" and then both the guys broke into an awesome bhangra number with the bg music playing 'Ye dosti hum nahi chodenge"

Part Doux

He felt nauseated the moment things turned into solid matter. He had to throw up and his eyes started looking for a garbage bin, toilet whatever. The brain can function only for so long when its running out of oxygen. Soon, everything turns into a blur and whatever is all your brain can say. So, AJ threw up in whatever was lying ahead and after he was done he saw what that thing was. It was a man's plate of food in which his vomit had taken shelter (ewww). He raised his gaze above the plate (freck, freck, double freck was on his mind) and could see a big shell-shocked family looking right at him. They instantly started cursing him in Telugu (well if you thought Rampur was only in North India, you are in for a surprise maytt). Now, AJ was not used to profanity, all he heard was compliments all his life and he didnt understand the language. So, for a moment he thought that they were greeting him when suddenly one strong punch cracked his jaw (Man I tell you, these nobel laureates are real slow when it comes to real life). He now understood that no good can come from vomitting on food and bham a belan hit his head and knocked the bajesus out of him (Lesson 1 from Des: Whatever you do, start running for your life first, analyze later or the aunty will hunt you down with her belan. Why dont they have a knock out by belan event in Olympics?).

When AJ regained consciousness, he initially thought that he was in a sauna or something. Everything felt warm, but gradually things became hot and by the time he fully came into his senses it was a nightmare. He was hung from a tree and there was fire burning beneath him. His inability to fine tune teleportation was the root cause of all this. First he came to the wrong village and secondly he had to throw up soon after landing. When would he get used to this form of travel. It was like the inventor of gun shooting himself just because he forgot to point the barrel in the right direction. Anyway, he was still hopeful that the villagers were all involved in a practical joke. They wouldnt burn a man for a small offense. But when he heard the villagers cheering enthusiastically (an item song called "A ante amlapuram" started playing) and lowering him down that he realized his life was about to end in a very painful manner. All kinds of frames started rolling through his mind. Well, it was actually a static frame (An image of a daily having "Nobel Laureate fired towards Nobel" as its frontpage headline). But suddenly he realized what a dumbass he was, sorry not dumbass a genius. He could teleport and so whuff he was gone in a flicker.

Author's note: The village was not as insane as it seemed to be. Actually, they were pretty modern. They knew who AJ was and had a deep respect for him. But, they knew that sometimes people who have everything seem to forget how to cherish their life. These villagers had recently watched "The Game" and thought of doing the entire fire routine to give some near death chills to the great AJ and maybe rejuvinate him. He had seemed pretty washed out off late. So, thats for now, this piece will continue (oh man that sucks!) for many more weeks to come. Tab tak dil thaam ke rakhiye aur suniye laddu laal meena ki taraf se ye pyaar bhara geet:

Some story I say

Everybody said that AJ is the man. Whenever AJ entered a party, it was as if everything stood still. Fresh oxygen poured in from nowhere in a room full of smoke(well it was a no smoking room and the oxygen was everywhere, but this is how AJ wants to put it and he has a gun). All the chics just converged towards him without any provocation. The guys were enamored too. There was something about him. A fast peppy number started playing and AJ spit out his unlit cigarette into the air and broke into a magical move. It was as if this dance sequence and the song were meant for each other. People watched in appreciation and chipped in with their own master mix (like someone clapped, another chic whistled and a punjabi munda said balle balle..jo bole sonihaal). As the song came to an end, AJ settled into a climactic pose, opened his mouth and caught a cigarette. It had huge flames all over it. Chics screamed in panic. AJ raised his hands to calm the people(all the people lifted their hands to emulate AJ) and said "daffs wds tff haet" (everybody repeated the blabber). He then blew a cool puff of air to extinguish the fire. Everybody said "waoooo" and there were hi-fis all around. AJ took the ciggi out and said "Gadhon, mai keh raha tha the dance was too hawt isliye ciggi mai aag lag gayi. I wasnt blabbering". On hearing this, the desi junta had an aa-haa moment and lowered their hands. The phirang junta heard something exotic and so were mesmerized and started dancing. Aisa tha apna AJ. He was the real heart and soul of any party (btw the sales of non-tobacco mint ciggi had grown exponentially kyunki apna AJ smoke nahi karta bhai but showoff to karta hai).

When AJ was not partying he used to tame science, lift weights as if they were made of hay and play sports blindfolded. Things were way too easy for him. Women came without any effort, booze was always bought by someone else and awards/scientific memos were given by morons who knew nothing. All this was amazing when he had initially come to the US from India. But now, he was really missing his days in Des where he was just one in a billion (literally). He had to struggle for things and used to get conned all the time in Delhi. So, he decided to leave this place for a while and go back to his roots. He was spontaneous and so he instantly teleported to a small village in India. (Flight journey was so freakin painful that AJ had worked on teleportation and made it a reality. Yes, he received a Nobel Prize for it. He teleported to Stockholm for the ceremony). Unfortunately, the village was not what he had in mind (He thought of Rampur, but there are so many bloody Rampurs) . But what the hail, a village is a village so he decided to stay on for some time.

Voice of the author: Now that the character development of the assumed protagonist has been done and the story initiated, I will take a break and try to give the story some twists the next time I get drunk. Tab tak tum bhi kar lo twist pakad ke kisi ki wrist.

Sahi??

Raah mai chalte chalte kabhi ruk jaata hoon

sochne lagta hoon manzil ke baare mai

agar kamyaab ho gaya to kya hoga,

kaise badal jayegi zindagi

Sab kuch kitna sahi sa hoga

Lekin agar wahan nahi pahunch paaya

toh kaunsi nahi raah pe nikloonga

manzil kitni badal jayegi aur koi manzil hogi bhi ya nahi

ye khayal bhi foot padta hai

Kahaniyan sunate hain kai log

jisme sab kuch ekdam accha ho jaata hai anth tak

par jahan woh kahani khatam hoti hai

wahan koi aur bhi to shuru hoti hogi

sabke liye to woh kahani ek si khatam nahi hoti

fir kis anth ko dekh kar khush ho jaate hain hum

peeche mud ke dekhta hoon abhi tak ke safar ko

to yaad aati hain woh choti choti khusiyaan, 

chote chote gham jo us samay pahad jaise bade lagte the

har kamiyabi ek naya sooraj aur har nakami maut ka gehra kuan lagta tha

par waqt ke saath sabka aakaar chota pad jaata hai

toh fir kyun sochna ki kya sahi hoga aakhir mai

aandhi mai udte hue kagaz ki tarah

udne ka mazaa lo naaki doobne ubarne ka khayal

poem on the bus

The metro buses here in Seattle have short poems written on them, so that people can read poems when they have nothing else to do and are staring aimlessly anywhere and everywhere. I happen to read most of them not because I have nothing to do, but because I admire beautiful things :)

Happened to read this short and sweet poem today. Hopefully I can reproduce it or I can blame it on age and crack a cheap joke about loss of memory. So here it goes:

If night`s stone in the street is shining
Polished an oil-brown dazzle by rain
Sheet me in silk and sail me to China
or slip me in linen and mail me to Spain

But when the springs pink in the cherry tree leaps
Rain blossom all day and pillow my sleep.

Hmmm not deep and all, but is sweet and even though I am very busy, I thought I will put it up :)

General

Wanted to pen down some of the things I listened to/read in the past few days. Didnt know where to put it. Hopefully will keep on editing this same post in the future:

Sometimes the best way to deliver a punch is to step back..But step back too far and you aint fighting at all - Million Dollar Baby

The body knows what fighters don't: how to protect itself. A neck can only twist so far. Twist it just a hair more and the body says, "Hey, I'll take it from here because you obviously don't know what you're doing... Lie down now, rest, and we'll talk about this when you regain your senses." It's called the knockout mechanism - Million Dollar Baby

There were many other awesome quotes, but I will keep it at those two for now.

Then there is this beautiful poem by Gulzar (got it from Srivani) which I keep on listening to these days. It is called Bauchaar and it is one of the 10 poems he had written for Dus Kahaniyan. Here it goes:

mai kuch kuch bhoolta jaata hun ab tujhko
tera chehra bhi ab to dhundlane laga hai ab kahyal mein
badalne lag gaya hai ab wo subah shaam ka mammool
jisme tujhse milne ka bhi ek mamool shamil tha
tere khat aate rehte the
to yaad rehta tha mujhe tere aawaz ke surkhiyan
tere aawaz ko kaagaz pe rakhke maine chaha tha ki PIN kar lun
wo jaise titliyon ke par laga leta hai apne ALBUM mein
tere be ko daba kar baat karana
wa par hoton ka challa
gol hokar ghoom jata tha
bohot din ho gaye dekha nahi
na khat mila koi
sachhi bohot din ho gaye
teri aawaz ki bauchaar mein bhiga nahin hun mai