Part Doux

He felt nauseated the moment things turned into solid matter. He had to throw up and his eyes started looking for a garbage bin, toilet whatever. The brain can function only for so long when its running out of oxygen. Soon, everything turns into a blur and whatever is all your brain can say. So, AJ threw up in whatever was lying ahead and after he was done he saw what that thing was. It was a man's plate of food in which his vomit had taken shelter (ewww). He raised his gaze above the plate (freck, freck, double freck was on his mind) and could see a big shell-shocked family looking right at him. They instantly started cursing him in Telugu (well if you thought Rampur was only in North India, you are in for a surprise maytt). Now, AJ was not used to profanity, all he heard was compliments all his life and he didnt understand the language. So, for a moment he thought that they were greeting him when suddenly one strong punch cracked his jaw (Man I tell you, these nobel laureates are real slow when it comes to real life). He now understood that no good can come from vomitting on food and bham a belan hit his head and knocked the bajesus out of him (Lesson 1 from Des: Whatever you do, start running for your life first, analyze later or the aunty will hunt you down with her belan. Why dont they have a knock out by belan event in Olympics?).

When AJ regained consciousness, he initially thought that he was in a sauna or something. Everything felt warm, but gradually things became hot and by the time he fully came into his senses it was a nightmare. He was hung from a tree and there was fire burning beneath him. His inability to fine tune teleportation was the root cause of all this. First he came to the wrong village and secondly he had to throw up soon after landing. When would he get used to this form of travel. It was like the inventor of gun shooting himself just because he forgot to point the barrel in the right direction. Anyway, he was still hopeful that the villagers were all involved in a practical joke. They wouldnt burn a man for a small offense. But when he heard the villagers cheering enthusiastically (an item song called "A ante amlapuram" started playing) and lowering him down that he realized his life was about to end in a very painful manner. All kinds of frames started rolling through his mind. Well, it was actually a static frame (An image of a daily having "Nobel Laureate fired towards Nobel" as its frontpage headline). But suddenly he realized what a dumbass he was, sorry not dumbass a genius. He could teleport and so whuff he was gone in a flicker.

Author's note: The village was not as insane as it seemed to be. Actually, they were pretty modern. They knew who AJ was and had a deep respect for him. But, they knew that sometimes people who have everything seem to forget how to cherish their life. These villagers had recently watched "The Game" and thought of doing the entire fire routine to give some near death chills to the great AJ and maybe rejuvinate him. He had seemed pretty washed out off late. So, thats for now, this piece will continue (oh man that sucks!) for many more weeks to come. Tab tak dil thaam ke rakhiye aur suniye laddu laal meena ki taraf se ye pyaar bhara geet:

Some story I say

Everybody said that AJ is the man. Whenever AJ entered a party, it was as if everything stood still. Fresh oxygen poured in from nowhere in a room full of smoke(well it was a no smoking room and the oxygen was everywhere, but this is how AJ wants to put it and he has a gun). All the chics just converged towards him without any provocation. The guys were enamored too. There was something about him. A fast peppy number started playing and AJ spit out his unlit cigarette into the air and broke into a magical move. It was as if this dance sequence and the song were meant for each other. People watched in appreciation and chipped in with their own master mix (like someone clapped, another chic whistled and a punjabi munda said balle balle..jo bole sonihaal). As the song came to an end, AJ settled into a climactic pose, opened his mouth and caught a cigarette. It had huge flames all over it. Chics screamed in panic. AJ raised his hands to calm the people(all the people lifted their hands to emulate AJ) and said "daffs wds tff haet" (everybody repeated the blabber). He then blew a cool puff of air to extinguish the fire. Everybody said "waoooo" and there were hi-fis all around. AJ took the ciggi out and said "Gadhon, mai keh raha tha the dance was too hawt isliye ciggi mai aag lag gayi. I wasnt blabbering". On hearing this, the desi junta had an aa-haa moment and lowered their hands. The phirang junta heard something exotic and so were mesmerized and started dancing. Aisa tha apna AJ. He was the real heart and soul of any party (btw the sales of non-tobacco mint ciggi had grown exponentially kyunki apna AJ smoke nahi karta bhai but showoff to karta hai).

When AJ was not partying he used to tame science, lift weights as if they were made of hay and play sports blindfolded. Things were way too easy for him. Women came without any effort, booze was always bought by someone else and awards/scientific memos were given by morons who knew nothing. All this was amazing when he had initially come to the US from India. But now, he was really missing his days in Des where he was just one in a billion (literally). He had to struggle for things and used to get conned all the time in Delhi. So, he decided to leave this place for a while and go back to his roots. He was spontaneous and so he instantly teleported to a small village in India. (Flight journey was so freakin painful that AJ had worked on teleportation and made it a reality. Yes, he received a Nobel Prize for it. He teleported to Stockholm for the ceremony). Unfortunately, the village was not what he had in mind (He thought of Rampur, but there are so many bloody Rampurs) . But what the hail, a village is a village so he decided to stay on for some time.

Voice of the author: Now that the character development of the assumed protagonist has been done and the story initiated, I will take a break and try to give the story some twists the next time I get drunk. Tab tak tum bhi kar lo twist pakad ke kisi ki wrist.