Blessed is thy name

If you had to use one word to describe Cheeku, it had to be "aaa ummm" (jha term for the non existence of a single word description). Cheeku was his pet name and surprisingly he loved it and knew that he would love it irrespective of his age. It was not the charm that the name offered, instead it was the escapist in him which put that name on such a high pedestal. His parents had named him David Imaandaar and he thought that they had screwed him big time, without even deriving any sadistic pleasure out of it. If he ever knew that Shakespeare had once said, "What's in a name", I am sure that he would have wanted to bring back Shakespeare from dead and beat him to death.

He would have asked William to face the maniac children around him. They would use his name to mock him every single moment of his childhood. Kids are brash and they need something to bully other kids and have fun. Unfortunately for David, the kids didn't even need to be creative for their recreation. It was so out there that they couldn't miss it. While David and Imaandaar would have been alright names on their own in different parts of the world, the combination spelled doom. They teased him no matter what he did and wherever he went. This put extra pressure on Imaan than the Chaganlals of the place to excel in anything he undertook 'cause he had to go a step further to offset the 'name effect'. So, he fought hard and took nothing for granted. He was not a naturally gifted individual, but he made amends for it by being extremely diligent and nbdu (the opposite of chilled out).

As his peers grew up, their mockery toned down in volume. But, it still had an acerbic touch to it or so thought David. He had to be extremely good at something to shut them up once and for all. He had to make them see the white shining circle behind his head ( he saw too many Hindi mythological series). He had tried all the things that were there to try and didn't feel great about anything. He had to change the game. One day he was very tired from his daily chores (he was working out like a maniac) and was strolling along the shore of the neighborhood lake. He noticed that the wave currents were very strong and felt as if it was mocking him, challenging him to face its fury. He walked along for some time ignoring it, but then there was this sudden impulse and he just dove in. He swam against the current and slowly but steadily reached the other side. It was a good 2 mile length and he was almost dead by the time he reached the shore. He then looked at the waves and let out a mocking smile (something inside his head said, Dude you have been reading Ayn Rand a bit too much. Who the fuck laughs at waves). He was suddenly interrupted by a realization. He was so tired that it was difficult to focus. He took a stone and tried to aim it on a small log of wood floating in the water. It seemed much harder than normal and at that instant he knew what the game should be and how he would make the Apsaras rain flowers on him (too much Ramanand Sagar, no?)

------------TO BE CONTINUED--------------------------------------------------------------

Bad Ass rules

Jane: Why wouldn't you go out with me? I think I am perfectly fine.

Harry: Oh, thats your self projection. To me, you are incredibly stupid and irritable. I admit that you have a fine body, but you don't have a personality which attracts me.

Jane: You are such a cruel, heartless man. I haven't met anyone so mean.

Harry: Oh yeah, thats my USP. Would it hurt less if I just said I was with someone else?

Jane: Probably!

Harry: Thats why I didn't say it (though it was the truth). I wanted you to be brave and be able to face any shit that comes your way. After all you need that more than my stupid love (coz u r so damn stupid)

Jane: You are so cool. I still want you/

Harry: Who doesn't? Get over it chic.

Jane: But I can do anything for you.

Harry: But, what can you possibly do for me? You are so inane, that even donkeys feel proud in your company. Maybe I will just make out with you, so that you can remember it for the rest of your life and feel happy about it?

Jane: I am not stupid Mr. But, yeah pls kiss me.

Kuch to kariye Jha Ji

Jaane kahan khona chahta hai

pyaar mai pagal hona chahta hai

aksar bujha bujha sa rehta hai par

aur bolta hai, kuch to kariye Jha Ji

anokha sa kuch likhna chahta hai

kabhi suron ke saath khelna chahta hai

kewal wazan hi utha pata hai par

aur bolta hai, kuch to kariye Jha Ji

paani mai gotey lagana chahta hai

madhosh hoke kabhi jhoomna chahta hai

chalna hi naseeb hai par bichare ko

so bolta hai, kuch to kariye Jha Ji

acchi si aawaz mai gungunana chahta hai

haseen labon ko choomna chahta hai

bewajah ki baatein hi kar pata hai par

aur bolta hai, kuch to kariye Jha Ji

Moh maya ke jaal se nikalna chahta hai

chaddar taanke aaram se sona chahta hai

khoob aalas mai din guzarta hai

aur bolta hai, kuch naa kariye Jha Ji.

Waah Ustaad Waah - Part 1

I have decided to document the good music that I discover. I am listening to all kinds of music on Pandora and want to keep a record of the stuff I like. While, ideally I would like to automate it. For now, I am just gonna type it out manually. Ugh, I am such a shady programmer :(

So, today was the day for Flamenco based western classical and here are some of the compositions I liked:

Solear by Manolo Sanlucar

Bronce Gitano by Sabicas

Canastero by Gypsy Kings

Luzia (Siguiriya) by Paco De Lucia

Entre Olas by Juan Serrano (from the OST of Vicky Christina Barcelona)

The Afternoon is Sweetness by Vincente Amigo

Gua'iras De Lucia by Paco De Lucia

Mr Tang by Rodrigo Y Gabriela

Taconeo Gitano by Sabicas

Oriente Mediterraneo and De Mi Corazon Al Aire by Vincente Amigo

Cranada En Flor by Paco Pena

Well. now you see why I had to document it. There is no way in hell, I would be able to remember those names. Anyway the list is crude. Just a reminder for me to check them out again. If anyone reads this, it would be great if you can suggest some other music in this genre which you think is good.

Safar

Lambi si sadak thi koi

naam kisi ko yaad na tha,

bas thande se pairon pe

chalte rehna ek dastoor sa tha.

saamp saa kabhi tedha medha

toh sui si kabhi seedhi

gusse ki tarah tez

toh pyaar sa kabhi bhola

safar ke saare rang the ye

yaa unke chalne ke dhang the ye

mausam dhundla raha tha

yaa ankhein dagmaga rahin thi

khush ho jaate paas ke manzar se

ghaas ki hariyali yaa jharne ki kilkaari se

sannata bhi lekin door nahi rehta

jab aata garam ret ya bimaar khet.

chalte rehte hain lekin woh musafir

rukte, thakte par kabhi naa haarte

lambi si sadak pe koi

shayad zindagi kehke jisey pukarte.

Chapter 3 - Swim or Die

It was a close call last time and AJ was furious that his life was such a stupid script. Boredom had brought him to India, but the adventure was a bit too much to handle. He would probably look back and cherish the near death experience when he was old and playing saamp-seedi (the besht board game ever) with his friends on his porch, but for now he needed to break a leg and have some (wheat) beer. So, he took out his iPhone and started looking for clubs around him. The screen read "Really?" with 2 tap-on boxes "Hell Yeah" and " Gotcha, I am so funny". AJ was irritated and tapped the first box. He was greeted with a massive virtual boxing punch of max intensity and the screen read "Dobara mat poochna!". He was about to smash the iPhone on ground, when he looked around and had an "Aha" moment. He had teleported into another small village (Rampur again). No wonder, his phone couldn't find a club around and so was playing with him. But, he really needed to have a good time and suddenly Sunny Paaji's voice started playing in his head "Khoob jamega rang jab mil baithenge 3 yaar. Aap, mai aur bagpiper club soda". So, off he went to Sunny paaji's house.

The paaji mansion was huge with 40 feet cutouts of suny paaji ravaging the goons with his handpump and romancing the chics in his truck. There was a loud-speaker lying on the couch and the genius AJ was, he immidiately understood the protocol. He picked it up and started announcing, "Baa mulayaza hosiyaar, jalaludin fikratuh blah blah blah, sher-e-sultanat blah AJ haazir ho rahe hain". Sunny paaji arrived to receive his guest with a garland in one hand and a scotch in another. AJ used to write to Sunny Paaji and having a nobel laureate as a fan made Paaji extremely happy. Paaji also understood why this man was called a genius. He had inferred the protocol of the house just by looking at the loud-speaker. "waah waah" was on his mind. After initial pleasantries, the 3 of them sat down so that "rang jam sakey". AJ was very tired and so he was high in no time and he started saying/blabbering, "Paaji bas ek regret reh gaya hai, saali buoyancy ke baare mai kitaab padh daale, lekin swimming nahi seekh paaya..ha-he.he-he."

Paaji was a very sentimental man. Unse kisika dard nahi dekha jaata tha. So, he just grabbed Aj's collar and said, "Jo dar gaya, samjho mar gaya" and threw him in a pond near his mansion (Yeah not pool, pond jahan sab gulty hero/heroines go and cry). The pond had crocs, aligators etc and AJ was freaked out of his drunk mind. Why would Paaji try to kill him. Faced with death, all the buoyancy lessons started to work in practice. The scotch was also lending a hand. He started swimming slowly, but he was still scared. Surprisingly, the alligators were slower than him. He somehow came back to the land and saw paaji smiling. He was like wtf man, I could have died there. Paaji said, "tumhare darr ko nikalne ka aur koi tareeka nahi tha. Ye alligators to mere pets hain, ye sirf kutton (bad guys) ko khate hain". Ye sunke, AJ started shedding "khushi ke aansoo" and then both the guys broke into an awesome bhangra number with the bg music playing 'Ye dosti hum nahi chodenge"

Part Doux

He felt nauseated the moment things turned into solid matter. He had to throw up and his eyes started looking for a garbage bin, toilet whatever. The brain can function only for so long when its running out of oxygen. Soon, everything turns into a blur and whatever is all your brain can say. So, AJ threw up in whatever was lying ahead and after he was done he saw what that thing was. It was a man's plate of food in which his vomit had taken shelter (ewww). He raised his gaze above the plate (freck, freck, double freck was on his mind) and could see a big shell-shocked family looking right at him. They instantly started cursing him in Telugu (well if you thought Rampur was only in North India, you are in for a surprise maytt). Now, AJ was not used to profanity, all he heard was compliments all his life and he didnt understand the language. So, for a moment he thought that they were greeting him when suddenly one strong punch cracked his jaw (Man I tell you, these nobel laureates are real slow when it comes to real life). He now understood that no good can come from vomitting on food and bham a belan hit his head and knocked the bajesus out of him (Lesson 1 from Des: Whatever you do, start running for your life first, analyze later or the aunty will hunt you down with her belan. Why dont they have a knock out by belan event in Olympics?).

When AJ regained consciousness, he initially thought that he was in a sauna or something. Everything felt warm, but gradually things became hot and by the time he fully came into his senses it was a nightmare. He was hung from a tree and there was fire burning beneath him. His inability to fine tune teleportation was the root cause of all this. First he came to the wrong village and secondly he had to throw up soon after landing. When would he get used to this form of travel. It was like the inventor of gun shooting himself just because he forgot to point the barrel in the right direction. Anyway, he was still hopeful that the villagers were all involved in a practical joke. They wouldnt burn a man for a small offense. But when he heard the villagers cheering enthusiastically (an item song called "A ante amlapuram" started playing) and lowering him down that he realized his life was about to end in a very painful manner. All kinds of frames started rolling through his mind. Well, it was actually a static frame (An image of a daily having "Nobel Laureate fired towards Nobel" as its frontpage headline). But suddenly he realized what a dumbass he was, sorry not dumbass a genius. He could teleport and so whuff he was gone in a flicker.

Author's note: The village was not as insane as it seemed to be. Actually, they were pretty modern. They knew who AJ was and had a deep respect for him. But, they knew that sometimes people who have everything seem to forget how to cherish their life. These villagers had recently watched "The Game" and thought of doing the entire fire routine to give some near death chills to the great AJ and maybe rejuvinate him. He had seemed pretty washed out off late. So, thats for now, this piece will continue (oh man that sucks!) for many more weeks to come. Tab tak dil thaam ke rakhiye aur suniye laddu laal meena ki taraf se ye pyaar bhara geet: