Mai aur meri Tanhai

Blessed is thy name

2010-05-01T01:30:00.000-07:00

If you had to use one word to describe Cheeku, it had to be "aaa ummm" (jha term for the non existence of a single word description). Cheeku was his pet name and surprisingly he loved it and knew that he would love it irrespective of his age. It was not the charm that the name offered, instead it was the escapist in him which put that name on such a high pedestal. His parents had named him David Imaandaar and he thought that they had screwed him big time, without even deriving any sadistic pleasure out of it. If he ever knew that Shakespeare had once said, "What's in a name", I am sure that he would have wanted to bring back Shakespeare from dead and beat him to death.

He would have asked William to face the maniac children around him. They would use his name to mock him every single moment of his childhood. Kids are brash and they need something to bully other kids and have fun. Unfortunately for David, the kids didn't even need to be creative for their recreation. It was so out there that they couldn't miss it. While David and Imaandaar would have been alright names on their own in different parts of the world, the combination spelled doom. They teased him no matter what he did and wherever he went. This put extra pressure on Imaan than the Chaganlals of the place to excel in anything he undertook 'cause he had to go a step further to offset the 'name effect'. So, he fought hard and took nothing for granted. He was not a naturally gifted individual, but he made amends for it by being extremely diligent and nbdu (the opposite of chilled out).

As his peers grew up, their mockery toned down in volume. But, it still had an acerbic touch to it or so thought David. He had to be extremely good at something to shut them up once and for all. He had to make them see the white shining circle behind his head ( he saw too many Hindi mythological series). He had tried all the things that were there to try and didn't feel great about anything. He had to change the game. One day he was very tired from his daily chores (he was working out like a maniac) and was strolling along the shore of the neighborhood lake. He noticed that the wave currents were very strong and felt as if it was mocking him, challenging him to face its fury. He walked along for some time ignoring it, but then there was this sudden impulse and he just dove in. He swam against the current and slowly but steadily reached the other side. It was a good 2 mile length and he was almost dead by the time he reached the shore. He then looked at the waves and let out a mocking smile (something inside his head said, Dude you have been reading Ayn Rand a bit too much. Who the fuck laughs at waves). He was suddenly interrupted by a realization. He was so tired that it was difficult to focus. He took a stone and tried to aim it on a small log of wood floating in the water. It seemed much harder than normal and at that instant he knew what the game should be and how he would make the Apsaras rain flowers on him (too much Ramanand Sagar, no?)

------------TO BE CONTINUED--------------------------------------------------------------

Bad Ass rules

2010-04-18T23:23:00.000-07:00

Jane: Why wouldn't you go out with me? I think I am perfectly fine.

Harry: Oh, thats your self projection. To me, you are incredibly stupid and irritable. I admit that you have a fine body, but you don't have a personality which attracts me.

Jane: You are such a cruel, heartless man. I haven't met anyone so mean.

Harry: Oh yeah, thats my USP. Would it hurt less if I just said I was with someone else?

Jane: Probably!

Harry: Thats why I didn't say it (though it was the truth). I wanted you to be brave and be able to face any shit that comes your way. After all you need that more than my stupid love (coz u r so damn stupid)

Jane: You are so cool. I still want you/

Harry: Who doesn't? Get over it chic.

Jane: But I can do anything for you.

Harry: But, what can you possibly do for me? You are so inane, that even donkeys feel proud in your company. Maybe I will just make out with you, so that you can remember it for the rest of your life and feel happy about it?

Jane: I am not stupid Mr. But, yeah pls kiss me.

Kuch to kariye Jha Ji

2010-02-04T22:08:00.000-08:00

Jaane kahan khona chahta hai

pyaar mai pagal hona chahta hai

aksar bujha bujha sa rehta hai par

aur bolta hai, kuch to kariye Jha Ji

anokha sa kuch likhna chahta hai

kabhi suron ke saath khelna chahta hai

kewal wazan hi utha pata hai par

aur bolta hai, kuch to kariye Jha Ji

paani mai gotey lagana chahta hai

madhosh hoke kabhi jhoomna chahta hai

chalna hi naseeb hai par bichare ko

so bolta hai, kuch to kariye Jha Ji

acchi si aawaz mai gungunana chahta hai

haseen labon ko choomna chahta hai

bewajah ki baatein hi kar pata hai par

aur bolta hai, kuch to kariye Jha Ji

Moh maya ke jaal se nikalna chahta hai

chaddar taanke aaram se sona chahta hai

khoob aalas mai din guzarta hai

aur bolta hai, kuch naa kariye Jha Ji.

Waah Ustaad Waah - Part 1

2010-02-02T21:22:00.000-08:00

I have decided to document the good music that I discover. I am listening to all kinds of music on Pandora and want to keep a record of the stuff I like. While, ideally I would like to automate it. For now, I am just gonna type it out manually. Ugh, I am such a shady programmer :(

So, today was the day for Flamenco based western classical and here are some of the compositions I liked:

Solear by Manolo Sanlucar

Bronce Gitano by Sabicas

Canastero by Gypsy Kings

Luzia (Siguiriya) by Paco De Lucia

Entre Olas by Juan Serrano (from the OST of Vicky Christina Barcelona)

The Afternoon is Sweetness by Vincente Amigo

Gua'iras De Lucia by Paco De Lucia

Mr Tang by Rodrigo Y Gabriela

Taconeo Gitano by Sabicas

Oriente Mediterraneo and De Mi Corazon Al Aire by Vincente Amigo

Cranada En Flor by Paco Pena

Well. now you see why I had to document it. There is no way in hell, I would be able to remember those names. Anyway the list is crude. Just a reminder for me to check them out again. If anyone reads this, it would be great if you can suggest some other music in this genre which you think is good.

Safar

2009-12-05T01:01:00.000-08:00

Lambi si sadak thi koi

naam kisi ko yaad na tha,

bas thande se pairon pe

chalte rehna ek dastoor sa tha.

saamp saa kabhi tedha medha

toh sui si kabhi seedhi

gusse ki tarah tez

toh pyaar sa kabhi bhola

safar ke saare rang the ye

yaa unke chalne ke dhang the ye

mausam dhundla raha tha

yaa ankhein dagmaga rahin thi

khush ho jaate paas ke manzar se

ghaas ki hariyali yaa jharne ki kilkaari se

sannata bhi lekin door nahi rehta

jab aata garam ret ya bimaar khet.

chalte rehte hain lekin woh musafir

rukte, thakte par kabhi naa haarte

lambi si sadak pe koi

shayad zindagi kehke jisey pukarte.

Chapter 3 - Swim or Die

2009-09-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

It was a close call last time and AJ was furious that his life was such a stupid script. Boredom had brought him to India, but the adventure was a bit too much to handle. He would probably look back and cherish the near death experience when he was old and playing saamp-seedi (the besht board game ever) with his friends on his porch, but for now he needed to break a leg and have some (wheat) beer. So, he took out his iPhone and started looking for clubs around him. The screen read "Really?" with 2 tap-on boxes "Hell Yeah" and " Gotcha, I am so funny". AJ was irritated and tapped the first box. He was greeted with a massive virtual boxing punch of max intensity and the screen read "Dobara mat poochna!". He was about to smash the iPhone on ground, when he looked around and had an "Aha" moment. He had teleported into another small village (Rampur again). No wonder, his phone couldn't find a club around and so was playing with him. But, he really needed to have a good time and suddenly Sunny Paaji's voice started playing in his head "Khoob jamega rang jab mil baithenge 3 yaar. Aap, mai aur bagpiper club soda". So, off he went to Sunny paaji's house.

The paaji mansion was huge with 40 feet cutouts of suny paaji ravaging the goons with his handpump and romancing the chics in his truck. There was a loud-speaker lying on the couch and the genius AJ was, he immidiately understood the protocol. He picked it up and started announcing, "Baa mulayaza hosiyaar, jalaludin fikratuh blah blah blah, sher-e-sultanat blah AJ haazir ho rahe hain". Sunny paaji arrived to receive his guest with a garland in one hand and a scotch in another. AJ used to write to Sunny Paaji and having a nobel laureate as a fan made Paaji extremely happy. Paaji also understood why this man was called a genius. He had inferred the protocol of the house just by looking at the loud-speaker. "waah waah" was on his mind. After initial pleasantries, the 3 of them sat down so that "rang jam sakey". AJ was very tired and so he was high in no time and he started saying/blabbering, "Paaji bas ek regret reh gaya hai, saali buoyancy ke baare mai kitaab padh daale, lekin swimming nahi seekh paaya..ha-he.he-he."

Paaji was a very sentimental man. Unse kisika dard nahi dekha jaata tha. So, he just grabbed Aj's collar and said, "Jo dar gaya, samjho mar gaya" and threw him in a pond near his mansion (Yeah not pool, pond jahan sab gulty hero/heroines go and cry). The pond had crocs, aligators etc and AJ was freaked out of his drunk mind. Why would Paaji try to kill him. Faced with death, all the buoyancy lessons started to work in practice. The scotch was also lending a hand. He started swimming slowly, but he was still scared. Surprisingly, the alligators were slower than him. He somehow came back to the land and saw paaji smiling. He was like wtf man, I could have died there. Paaji said, "tumhare darr ko nikalne ka aur koi tareeka nahi tha. Ye alligators to mere pets hain, ye sirf kutton (bad guys) ko khate hain". Ye sunke, AJ started shedding "khushi ke aansoo" and then both the guys broke into an awesome bhangra number with the bg music playing 'Ye dosti hum nahi chodenge"

Part Doux

2009-08-16T02:10:00.000-07:00

He felt nauseated the moment things turned into solid matter. He had to throw up and his eyes started looking for a garbage bin, toilet whatever. The brain can function only for so long when its running out of oxygen. Soon, everything turns into a blur and whatever is all your brain can say. So, AJ threw up in whatever was lying ahead and after he was done he saw what that thing was. It was a man's plate of food in which his vomit had taken shelter (ewww). He raised his gaze above the plate (freck, freck, double freck was on his mind) and could see a big shell-shocked family looking right at him. They instantly started cursing him in Telugu (well if you thought Rampur was only in North India, you are in for a surprise maytt). Now, AJ was not used to profanity, all he heard was compliments all his life and he didnt understand the language. So, for a moment he thought that they were greeting him when suddenly one strong punch cracked his jaw (Man I tell you, these nobel laureates are real slow when it comes to real life). He now understood that no good can come from vomitting on food and bham a belan hit his head and knocked the bajesus out of him (Lesson 1 from Des: Whatever you do, start running for your life first, analyze later or the aunty will hunt you down with her belan. Why dont they have a knock out by belan event in Olympics?).

When AJ regained consciousness, he initially thought that he was in a sauna or something. Everything felt warm, but gradually things became hot and by the time he fully came into his senses it was a nightmare. He was hung from a tree and there was fire burning beneath him. His inability to fine tune teleportation was the root cause of all this. First he came to the wrong village and secondly he had to throw up soon after landing. When would he get used to this form of travel. It was like the inventor of gun shooting himself just because he forgot to point the barrel in the right direction. Anyway, he was still hopeful that the villagers were all involved in a practical joke. They wouldnt burn a man for a small offense. But when he heard the villagers cheering enthusiastically (an item song called "A ante amlapuram" started playing) and lowering him down that he realized his life was about to end in a very painful manner. All kinds of frames started rolling through his mind. Well, it was actually a static frame (An image of a daily having "Nobel Laureate fired towards Nobel" as its frontpage headline). But suddenly he realized what a dumbass he was, sorry not dumbass a genius. He could teleport and so whuff he was gone in a flicker.

Author's note: The village was not as insane as it seemed to be. Actually, they were pretty modern. They knew who AJ was and had a deep respect for him. But, they knew that sometimes people who have everything seem to forget how to cherish their life. These villagers had recently watched "The Game" and thought of doing the entire fire routine to give some near death chills to the great AJ and maybe rejuvinate him. He had seemed pretty washed out off late. So, thats for now, this piece will continue (oh man that sucks!) for many more weeks to come. Tab tak dil thaam ke rakhiye aur suniye laddu laal meena ki taraf se ye pyaar bhara geet:

Some story I say

2009-08-06T23:48:00.000-07:00

Everybody said that AJ is the man. Whenever AJ entered a party, it was as if everything stood still. Fresh oxygen poured in from nowhere in a room full of smoke(well it was a no smoking room and the oxygen was everywhere, but this is how AJ wants to put it and he has a gun). All the chics just converged towards him without any provocation. The guys were enamored too. There was something about him. A fast peppy number started playing and AJ spit out his unlit cigarette into the air and broke into a magical move. It was as if this dance sequence and the song were meant for each other. People watched in appreciation and chipped in with their own master mix (like someone clapped, another chic whistled and a punjabi munda said balle balle..jo bole sonihaal). As the song came to an end, AJ settled into a climactic pose, opened his mouth and caught a cigarette. It had huge flames all over it. Chics screamed in panic. AJ raised his hands to calm the people(all the people lifted their hands to emulate AJ) and said "daffs wds tff haet" (everybody repeated the blabber). He then blew a cool puff of air to extinguish the fire. Everybody said "waoooo" and there were hi-fis all around. AJ took the ciggi out and said "Gadhon, mai keh raha tha the dance was too hawt isliye ciggi mai aag lag gayi. I wasnt blabbering". On hearing this, the desi junta had an aa-haa moment and lowered their hands. The phirang junta heard something exotic and so were mesmerized and started dancing. Aisa tha apna AJ. He was the real heart and soul of any party (btw the sales of non-tobacco mint ciggi had grown exponentially kyunki apna AJ smoke nahi karta bhai but showoff to karta hai).

When AJ was not partying he used to tame science, lift weights as if they were made of hay and play sports blindfolded. Things were way too easy for him. Women came without any effort, booze was always bought by someone else and awards/scientific memos were given by morons who knew nothing. All this was amazing when he had initially come to the US from India. But now, he was really missing his days in Des where he was just one in a billion (literally). He had to struggle for things and used to get conned all the time in Delhi. So, he decided to leave this place for a while and go back to his roots. He was spontaneous and so he instantly teleported to a small village in India. (Flight journey was so freakin painful that AJ had worked on teleportation and made it a reality. Yes, he received a Nobel Prize for it. He teleported to Stockholm for the ceremony). Unfortunately, the village was not what he had in mind (He thought of Rampur, but there are so many bloody Rampurs) . But what the hail, a village is a village so he decided to stay on for some time.

Voice of the author: Now that the character development of the assumed protagonist has been done and the story initiated, I will take a break and try to give the story some twists the next time I get drunk. Tab tak tum bhi kar lo twist pakad ke kisi ki wrist.

Sahi??

2009-04-27T03:00:00.000-07:00

Raah mai chalte chalte kabhi ruk jaata hoon

sochne lagta hoon manzil ke baare mai

agar kamyaab ho gaya to kya hoga,

kaise badal jayegi zindagi

Sab kuch kitna sahi sa hoga

Lekin agar wahan nahi pahunch paaya

toh kaunsi nahi raah pe nikloonga

manzil kitni badal jayegi aur koi manzil hogi bhi ya nahi

ye khayal bhi foot padta hai

Kahaniyan sunate hain kai log

jisme sab kuch ekdam accha ho jaata hai anth tak

par jahan woh kahani khatam hoti hai

wahan koi aur bhi to shuru hoti hogi

sabke liye to woh kahani ek si khatam nahi hoti

fir kis anth ko dekh kar khush ho jaate hain hum

peeche mud ke dekhta hoon abhi tak ke safar ko

to yaad aati hain woh choti choti khusiyaan,

chote chote gham jo us samay pahad jaise bade lagte the

har kamiyabi ek naya sooraj aur har nakami maut ka gehra kuan lagta tha

par waqt ke saath sabka aakaar chota pad jaata hai

toh fir kyun sochna ki kya sahi hoga aakhir mai

aandhi mai udte hue kagaz ki tarah

udne ka mazaa lo naaki doobne ubarne ka khayal

poem on the bus

2009-03-04T14:40:00.000-08:00

The metro buses here in Seattle have short poems written on them, so that people can read poems when they have nothing else to do and are staring aimlessly anywhere and everywhere. I happen to read most of them not because I have nothing to do, but because I admire beautiful things :)

Happened to read this short and sweet poem today. Hopefully I can reproduce it or I can blame it on age and crack a cheap joke about loss of memory. So here it goes:

If night`s stone in the street is shining
Polished an oil-brown dazzle by rain
Sheet me in silk and sail me to China
or slip me in linen and mail me to Spain

But when the springs pink in the cherry tree leaps
Rain blossom all day and pillow my sleep.

Hmmm not deep and all, but is sweet and even though I am very busy, I thought I will put it up :)

General

2009-02-10T09:59:00.000-08:00

Wanted to pen down some of the things I listened to/read in the past few days. Didnt know where to put it. Hopefully will keep on editing this same post in the future:

Sometimes the best way to deliver a punch is to step back..But step back too far and you aint fighting at all - Million Dollar Baby

The body knows what fighters don't: how to protect itself. A neck can only twist so far. Twist it just a hair more and the body says, "Hey, I'll take it from here because you obviously don't know what you're doing... Lie down now, rest, and we'll talk about this when you regain your senses." It's called the knockout mechanism - Million Dollar Baby

There were many other awesome quotes, but I will keep it at those two for now.

Then there is this beautiful poem by Gulzar (got it from Srivani) which I keep on listening to these days. It is called Bauchaar and it is one of the 10 poems he had written for Dus Kahaniyan. Here it goes:

mai kuch kuch bhoolta jaata hun ab tujhko
tera chehra bhi ab to dhundlane laga hai ab kahyal mein
badalne lag gaya hai ab wo subah shaam ka mammool
jisme tujhse milne ka bhi ek mamool shamil tha
tere khat aate rehte the
to yaad rehta tha mujhe tere aawaz ke surkhiyan
tere aawaz ko kaagaz pe rakhke maine chaha tha ki PIN kar lun
wo jaise titliyon ke par laga leta hai apne ALBUM mein
tere be ko daba kar baat karana
wa par hoton ka challa
gol hokar ghoom jata tha
bohot din ho gaye dekha nahi
na khat mila koi
sachhi bohot din ho gaye
teri aawaz ki bauchaar mein bhiga nahin hun mai

सवाल

2008-08-17T02:59:00.000-07:00

आज इक्षा हुई की एक कविता लिखूं। तो ये रही एक चोट्टी सी कोशिश

लब बंध गए हैं क्यूँ
वक्त थम सा गया है
चाहे जितने भी कर लूँ जतन
ये आंसू छलक जाते हैं क्यूँ

ये रात लगे इतनी घनघोर क्यूँ
हवा भी इतनी सहमी है
चांदनी भी ठंडक नही देती
जाने है ये अजीब हलचल क्यूँ

छाया है एक बादल मन मैं
है निराशा मैं या है सूनेपन मैं
ढूँढता है ये क्या बावरा
की चुभते हैं हमेशा कांटें पैरों मैं

व्यर्थ मैं है इतना सन्नाटा क्यूँ
खुशी का कोई न कोई बहाना है
ग़म की परछाई से निकलो
ऐसा फ़िर खुदको समझाता है क्यूँ

हर बार होती है यही कशमकश क्यूँ
हूँ मैं इतना नासमझ
या है सच मैं खालीपन प्रबल
ये उठता है हमेशा सवाल क्यूँ

Fly away with my rope

2008-08-17T01:32:00.000-07:00

If a normal movie transformed into a real scenario, what would the extras be like. In terms of numbers, they are far more than the key characters. So, they are probably meant to portray the "Aam Janta". But then why are they so lame. The extras in the bad ass gang must have the lowest possible self esteem. The moment they see the hero, they start missing their gunshots. The hero or any of his/her family members and friends (even aunties and unkools) bash them up as if they were a bunch of misbehaving 8 yr olds who call to be spanked. Dude if they were so bad in beating up people, why the hell are they getting paid to be musculed goons (But then I too get paid for writing lousy code)

They look as if they are ready with the idea "Abe ye hero aa gaya, ab to hawa mai mast goli chalate hain and jaise hi woh trigger dabeyega bhaag ke seene mai ek goli khate hain and udd jaate hain". At second thought that seems like fun. You get to fire shots in the air and then fly on a rope. Unless ofcourse Sunny paaji is the hero. If that happens they have to run or die even if he shouts/screams or even farts.

ok so I think it would be good if someone actually makes an extra bash up a hero/superhero and then rubs it in by saying saala hero hai to kya kuch bhi karega and then crack a dialogue with punch like ghode pe sawari karte karte tatuon pe chadhna bhool gaye baabumoshai? ok so that was a bad one, but I had to get it out of my system.

Shrill to kill

2008-07-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

A & B were having a very intense technical discussion on how to solve some major problem in their Windows project. Then this conversation followed :
A : Wait a min. I heard this song "High and dry" on radio after a long time and it has been playing in my head since.
B: So???wtf man
A: Its by Radiohead
B(expression of a tubelight and it glows finally): oooooo Eureka dood..Thats y the band called themselves Radiohead (followed by a Eureka Hi-fi all around)
A: Now that we have solved the bigger problem, we know that the solution to this stupid problem in Windows will occur to us similarly and so lets head home
B: Absolutely.
So, really this song was playing in my head and I just wanted to sing those high pitch lines (Higggggggh, dryyyyyy ones), but couldn't do that in office. Was weared down by the morose day and headed to the gym after work. Pumped some iron, adrenaline was produced in loads today and I was like totally high and excited. Came back home and the first thing I wanted to do was sing this song. My headphones are awesome, gave me what I needed and as I sang those high pitch lines loudly in my coarse voice, spears and arrows literally rained on my roomies. But I am happy, my soul is having an ice-cream. Gave a beautiful funda to Uru about how future is bright for us and gloomy for the chixx. The adrenaline is still there and thats why I am writing this now. If this seems like forced humor to you, welcome to my world. Was watching Kismat connection (only completed the 1st half)and trying to laugh but none came out.

So quiet no matter how loud

2008-07-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

When you are well and one of the healthiest people around, world is your joystick. Move it around and the game of life rolls happily. But then you are asleep one fine day and something feels weird. The sun is shining down your face and wants to burn you alive. You shout out, Aarghh, shsdwd what the fudge, turn around, pull the blanket on your face and go back to the happy land. A guy wearing a black coat and a fiendish smile appears from nowhere and whispers in your right ear, "Dude, I know that you are happy and riding the Batmobile in your fucking dream, but isn't it the payday. I hope you have the money or I am gonna have to cut your balls off." You wake up startled, hoping to save your balls with a witty dialogue. But alas, the man in black with no face but a smile is gone. You feel relieved and disappointed at the same time. Relieved that you are safe but disappointed coz it was just a stupid dream and you don't have the chance to make that ingenious exchange that you had thought of. And you are back in the stupid real world.

Now I start narrating for myself, rather than allowing the stupid melodramatic loser paint a story around my normal life. So, I wake up and look at my mobile phone cum watch and my eyes pop out. Its freakin 12 PM and its a Wednesday. I should have been at work. I start thinking why the alarm didn't go off at 8 AM and right at that moment it starts buzzing. It was in snooze mode, going off every 15 minutes for a short time. I was confused but decided to ignore it and rush off to work. All along the way, I felt that things were hushed up a little. I could feel a strange kind of silence around me. A chic on bike almost hit me and then stared at me as if it was my fault. I shouted out, "You should have called". She looked back, fired a "Are you Drunk" look and went ahead. All the people around me also started staring. I thought they misunderstood me and tried to clarify by saying that "No, no I am not obsessed with her or anything. I was saying that she should have called, coming on your left so that I could have moved away." Anyway strange things continued to happen and I was feeling as if my brain was working way slower than usual and there was something heavy kept on the left side of my face.

OK enough with the mystery. I was having something which I like to call the "Near Deaf Experience". I had almost gone deaf in my left ear. The biggest advantage of this was that whenever my manager came to me, I would turn my left side towards him so that I don't have to listen to anything he says. Obviously, it would have worked like a charm if I had a nagging girlfriend and wanted to shunt out her boring blabber. But, when you are actually looking to meet new people (read chics), then trust me this situation is not very good and in addition, you are so conscious of the lack of hearing that you don't focus on other things and so keep on screwing things. You try to read their lips and people think that you wanna kiss them. I am thankful that I wasn't slapped. Anyhoo, after about 3 weeks, I thought that I had had enough and went to see a doctor anticipating the worse. But all i can say is, She came, she saw and she conquered. Yeah she was hawt and all, but I am talking about my medical problem here. It was a very stupid hardening of wax problem and she quickly cleared it. I started hearing all the voices in my head again and tried to make small talk with the doc by saying, "If its bad, then why the hell do they sell q-tips" and she was like "Dont be such a baby, want a candy?". She didn't say that actually but could have.

So, it was over and now I can hear more than I wanted to. Would be so nice to have filtering auditory senses. Seems lame huh? Yeah thought so. But then, if you have read till this point, you are lame :)

Vamos

2008-07-06T15:46:00.000-07:00

So, after an epic battle Rafa finally accomplished what was expected of him. While IMO thats the blatant truth, it in no way underscores the enormity of his achievement, as might seem from the statement. Yes, he was expected to win, but then people are worn down by the burden of expectation and people thought that Roger would fight a lil and then yield as he normally does against Nadal. But this was Federer who was hungry to regain his lost ground and to win against an opponent of that quality must have been a very tough act even for the toughest man to wield a tennis racket. For the uninitiated, I am referring to the victory of Rafael Nadal at the All-England club for his first grand slam title on a surface other than clay.

I am a big Roger Federer fan, so I was obviously very upset when he suffered such a hard loss on his favourite surface and was denied a unique place in the record books (it looks unlikely that he would go on to win 6 in a row from here on). But anyone who saw the match couldn't help but say Vamos for Rafa. The dude has come such a long way from his early days as a powerful clay courter. There is a marked improvement in every facet of his game (except for his athleticism...he cant do more than that). But, I have always felt that the key to his success is his phenomenal mental strength. He plays one point at a time and never ever buckles under pressure (4th set tie-breaker yesterday was an anomaly). Thats so hard to do when you are facing break points. Especially in his matches against Federer, while Federer tries to do something extra and messes up when holding break points or gives it away (mostly) meekly when facing a couple of break points, Nadal always seems calm and does well at such crucial junctures.

It also doesn't hurt if you are insanely athletic and can chase down ball after ball from seemingly unrecoverable positions and then turn them into winners. What could have Roger done against this wall of steel. Well what he was able to do was almost enough and thats a tribute to the skill of this man. If he could have cut down on his errors a little bit, its possible that he might have won (not necessarily, just a possibility). It was his chance to get back on all the people who have repeatedly taken swipes at his level of play in the recent few months. I don't think that his level of play has gone down, its just that Rafa is much better than he was some time back and currently he is probably the best player on tour. But the modest guy that he is, Rafa credits Federer with the "best player in history" title even after defeating him so many times and never ever says that he is better than him (Djokovic has got to learn somethin from Rafa). I think even Federer is not that modest. He never ever says that Nadal is better than him, even on clay and expects himself to defeat him on any surface (dude u gotta be kidding me....its almost impossible to beat Nadal on clay).

One more thing which I wanted to add about the "match of a generation" is that although the rain delays were a source of frustration for all the people, I think it was because of the delays that both the players remained physically fresh and could play their best even in the fifth set. I can't imagine them playing the way they did if it was a continuous match (especially Roger). Anyhoo, bahut ho gaya match ka pulao...bas mentos khao aur dimaag ki bati jalao..

ps: check out Jaane tu ya jaane naa...Ekdam mast movie hai...

The Revival

2008-05-02T23:33:00.000-07:00

This blog seems to be dying and I have been feelin low lately, but underdogs have to get up nd slam the heavyweights and thats how nature takes its course, so I decided to pen down somethin even if its absolutely ridiculous (when is it not??)

So, today I was feeling absolutely low and I couldnt figure out what was wrong with me. This does happen to me a lot of times and somehow for no reason I get depressed. Maybe its the lack of lady love in my life or the excess of academic bonanza around me which drives me crazy, somehow for no apparent reason I go down and nothing seems to have any purpose. Then alchohol gives me perspective and so I am returning to Sunny and so probably Sunny will represent me more than he ever does.

Sunny was surprisingly laying low even though he had done things and evidenced situations which demanded a rewrite of the boring village history. There was a certain nerdiness in the air which drove him mad. People all around him had suddenly delved into books and some weird creatures they called kampooter....They were always staring at it as if it would come alive anytime and eat their solemn paapads. They were living a life of terror and had no time to share his idiosyncracies. He tried to tell them that a great sage had once preached that "Jeene ke hain chaar din, baaki hain bekaar din" but somehow nobody listened and dismissed it as if it was Salman Khan starrer bandhan with Jackie yelling out bidu apun ka salaam..apun ko bas chai bidi de aur apun hai gulaam.

Sunny thought that he would be so happy to return to the familiar grounds. He could indulge people in frivolous banter, have fun with no worries whatsoever and when time came (Dussehra ka akhada) show his might, but he was wrong. The village seemed as alien as the riches of a foreign land. He could no longer cheat people into buying him a pink colored towel or a brand new razor. They all wanted to revolutionize mankind by reading books and publishing incremental papers. This vogue was infact brought about by Lalchiram who published a paper slamming all the developed countries for making satellites since the world was flat (as stated by Friedman) and demanded millions of dollars in compensation from their governments.

All this geeky talk disturbed Sunny. If he would have known that his village would turn this way, he would have happily sung Superman and Lady (http://youtube.com/watch?v=7-9ORkqqEJQ)
with vishkanya Tara and danced his way into immortality. Alas, it was not to be. In order to koohl down he decided to play the dehati version of tennis, but only Shamshera played the game with Duggi. Also, during his adventures Sunny had watched this amazing movie called "Taare Zameen Par" and had realized that he had motor impairment, which effected his reflexes. So,
it was extremely foolish to challenge Shamshera, but then life becomes so morose if you leave out foolish acts and so Sunny sold his farmland to buy a racket and challenged Shamshera.

Next time lets see if the story tries to have a touch of reality or flies off again to fantasy island. Till then lets remember Love Machine Shudhir who brought the real mean villian to the Indian screen without being tacky (prade sirf tu hi samajh sakta hai ye )

Chapter 5: How quick is the sand?

2008-04-05T00:03:00.000-07:00

Recap : Last week we saw that Sunny saved his friends from the tiger by performing the greatest ever Nag Dance. His vocal presence was too enchanting to be resisted by Tara who went and smooched him which almost killed Sunny and now the story continues.

It started with utmost bliss and probably the end feeling was the same. But, it was sandwiched between pain which can only be experienced in the wildest of nightmares. The poison maimed and mutilated his mind and body and he only wished that the angel of death be his guest and that too asap. But, as it always happened something came in the way (gawd cant he just die and I wont have to write this stupid story again). Water started flowing in his system and magically offset the effect of poison, but it wasnt just water inside him, it was all over him as if he was being flooded. He opened his eyes and was startled to see a huge collection of people around him (most of em crying and a few cheering). His hands were tied down and he saw Shamshera coming in to the picture saying "Nanga nahayega kya Nichode gaa kya" and splashing some more water on him.

This was unbelievable. Were all his adventures just a figment of his imagination? He didnt think so. It seemed too real to be a dream. Still he had to deal with his present in order to figure out what had transpired. What he saw ahead took his breath away. It was the dreaded scene of an emaciated old man (dmk of the past) on a BSA SLR classic bicycle charging towards him(you might think what the freck). It was the fastest killer machine in the village, but wait speed was never the point. Actually, the man was carrying a bag of Ambuja cement with an X inscribed in red ink and that literally spelled doom. This killer combo had crushed to pieces whole armies of trucks and ants, so was used for the harshest punishments meted out by the Panchayat these days.

Sunny somehow knew that he was in possession of supernatural powers. To test his belief, he hit the ground hard and to his amazement, saw a shiver run through the ground and he was kinda hoping that it would blow away the impending danger. But, the killer stood firm. After all, Ambuja Cement Mazbooti ka Doosra Naam hai. He now knew that his time was up and since he had this thought, just as a last wish he asked what was the time. Since it was a last wish, everybody looked at their watch, including the man on the killer bike and this caused the powerful bag to slide down the bike into the adjacent pool of sand. But wait, it was no ordinary sand, it was quicksand and the more the weight, the faster the sand slides and since the Cement had the weight of belief it sunk faster than the rock of love in an ocean.

So, Sunny lives to kill (aunties) again and thats it for this week. I surely will b byack with some more stuff. Till then, say Saa say Ree and then say Whos ur Daddy SaaRee? (Lame!!)

Musings - Kisse pyaar karoon

2008-04-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

Lets leave Sunny alone for some time. I am sure he is pissed with me for making him do all kinds of crazy things, so I will let him have a breather before we start screwing with his life again. Now, I generally had some random thoughts, so I thought lets pen it down. Now, when I say random thoughts please dont start thinking about fine nuances of life and deep abstract thoughts. Let me tell you that I am a very superficial guy. I dont make keen observations, dont really like detailed conversations on how things work and how nature is mysteriously awesome. I like booze, gossip, and frivoulous merrymaking. So, now that you know how hollow I am (or atleast I am pretending to be), we are on the same page and so I can talk about a meaningless personal angle I have with the TV series I am watching lately.

In most of the TV series I am watching these days, I tend to fall for one female character and I absolutely get in love with her till that series lasts and after that its all gone. A new series comes along and you know the pattern. Now, I have watched so many series till now, but I dont seem to remember my crushes (the ones from TV) for long. So, I decided that I will atleast put down the ones which are recent so that when I am old (and the world has survived the Nucleur Holocaust and dinosaurs dont come back), I can look back and see how stupid I was.

So, of the present crushes...starting with Scrubs, Dr. Elliot Reid is sweet (who am I kidding, she is actually pretty irritating sometimes, but man she is hawt and I dont really know why I love her). In Prison Break, I fell for Dr. Sarah Tancredi..now she was actually sweet, beautiful, intelligent and what not. An awesome character and I was so pissed when the directors (or whoever calls the shots) decided to kill her in the 3rd season. My most recent fall has been for Robin Scherbatsky, from How I met your mother (its the name of a series..some people thought that I was actually gettin on to a Yo Mama joke). Again some endearing traits there, but I wont go into the details for the sake of people who might accidently hit this page.

Thats it for now. Its all so random and it obviously wont make sense to a lot of people, but still remember that I am a hollow guy and the world badly needs hollow people in order to float through space, so try not to kill me.

Chapter 4: The Kiss of Death

2008-03-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

Recap : Last week we saw that Sunny suddenly found himself in a Jungle and befriended a herd of Buffaloes. To save his friends, he challenged the tiger preying on them to a duel of Pulli Dance to which the tiger responded energetically and now the story continues :

Dhariwal had mesmerized the jungle junta with his performance. It was a memorable item number and it looked as if the crowd had fallen into a spell. Every damn creature was cheering, except for the buffaloes, who knew that only something special from Sunny could save them. Sunny remembered his Papa (he was probably getting drunk in vegas) and stepped into the arena. He planted his feet and then blurted out something, upon which snakes from all corners of the forest came running. The spectacle that followed was unprecedented. Sunny Paaji in the company of snakes then performed the best ever Naag Dance the wild world had ever witnessed. Everybody started dancing to the tune of "Mai teri Dushman, Dushman tu Mera... Mai Nagin tu Shera (tiger)" and even Sridevi would have felt embarrassed watching this.

Well the big question in your minds must be who will judge this freakinly close contest. The animals were clever, they knew that in case the duel could not be decided by a simple shout of 'Aye', they needed to have a judging panel and so they had called upon Vishkanya 'Tara' (from the famous series Chandrakanta, in which Chandrakanta hardly ever showed up) and Saroj Khan (dikhawe pe mat jao...apni akal lagao..so imagine an extremely hawt female here) who was an experienced judge (Nach Baliye) to call the shots. But this ploy clearly backfired as the panel was split on verdict. While, Saroj Khan threw coins and showed her appreciation for Dhariwal by whistling away, Tara definitely enjoyed the Naag dance as she could relate more to it. But the situation was not all that grim coz the animals anticipated a CAT fight and were all looking straight at the judges with their tongues hanging out.

While the cat fight raged on, the buffaloes asked Sunny about the Naag Dance. Instead of being thankful for giving it his best shot, they were mad at him for not doing their traditional Mooh Mooh dance and were jealous of the snakes. Sunny then told them that even he didnt know what happened, suddenly the snakes came from nowhere and since he was afriad of them, he just moved his body to shoo them away and scare them. At that very instant, the tiger complained that Sunny performed a Naag dance whereas he had challenged him to a Pulli dance, so technically he had lost. Listening to this argument, the buffaloes started shivering but then Sunny rose and with his bloodshot eyes, shouted out, "Kya ek rule tod dega to Sunny sher se haar jayega, kya saamp jaanwar nahi hote aur bhains insaan nahi hote" (Hinglish : break the rules, Sunny not loose, no?? snake no animal ? buffalo no human..waat do u say man?) The entire wild life just stood speechless. The thunderous burst left no doubt about who the winner was. The tiger ran away with tears all over its face and it was a joyous moment for buffaloes. Tara was so impressed with Sunny that she couldnt hold herself and ran towards Sunny, grabbed his hair and gave him the kiss of his life. It was all good and everybody was cheering (and making vulgar comments), but suddenly Sunny`s face started turning pale as if life was being sucked out of him and a Buffalo shouted out, "Arey ye to Vishkanya hai"

Thats all I could come up with this week. But as you may have guessed by now, this story would not end so quickly. After all I am from the land of Balaji Telefilms, so stay tuned so that I can bring in more hot babes (and ofcourse CAT fights...the one this time was pretty lame though) to keep the fire glowing within :)

Chapter 3: Eye of the Tiger

2008-03-16T00:56:00.000-07:00

Recap : Last week we saw that Sunny was coming into grips with his existence in Seattle, when he saw a group of pilgrims and picked up a fight with glory (oh didnt I tell u guys, it was the name of that bouncer) and amidst all this chaos, was shot by a junkie. Now the story continues :

He slowly faded into oblivion, his eyes shut out and then there was peace for some time, but then his mind started racing for the first time in his life and he thought that he was finally in heaven as he caught a glimpse of the ever so beautiful, the teary eyed(irritating for others) Madamji. The moment he saw her, he almost became numb with some kind of strange happiness. It was indescribable, the pleasure he felt. What was this feeling? It was definitely not possible for him to fall in love given his stone cold nature. A part of him wanted to get out of this trance, go back and bash Shamshera, glory, Balwantrai and all other KUTTE but yet he was helpless. He consoled himself thinking that no power is strong enough to break out of thin yet indestructible strands which bind the living beings in love or some like that.

While he was bustling with all these philosophical thoughts, he suddenly felt that his lips became moist as if madaji was kissing him. But this was inconceivable since Kudis have to first fall on the man's(Sunny's) feet, say sasriyakal before jumping onto his lips. But what the hell, a kiss is a kiss so he enjoyed it, only to be shell-shocked when he opened his eyes. It was a horse licking his face and the setting had again changed. It was not a well-lit happening city anymore, it was dark and scary. The horse neighed and ran away into the wild. There was a disturbing feel in the air. He could now hear all kinds of animal noises and other strange sounds. What was this? Where were all the people? He was amidst a fight for justice as far as he could remember.

When you are in the wild, you dont get a chance to think about random things. There is only one dominant thought which you are suppposed to be preoccupied with and that is survival and Sunny quickly realized it. A herd of buffalos ran beside him and he started running with them. There was a natural bonding between them (yeah right, the buffalos will have to get smart to carry him along). He looked into their eyes and knew that they were being hunted. He turned back and saw a tiger sprinting behind him. He couldnt believe his eyes. He shouted out Freck Freck double freck and then came to a standstill. Confused and dazed, the entire bunch of animals in the frame froze.

Sunny then did something which was totally incomprehensible. He challenged the tiger to beat him in a duel of Pulli dance (tiger dance made so popular by Gulty and dmk). He didnt know how he communicated this. He just hissed out something and all the animals just understood. So, its easy to understand that he was elated coz now he knew not just Hindi and Punjabi but also Jungli. He did his old thing (stroking his moustache and patting his thigs) and then tried to focus. He had recently seen Step up 2 the streets (Punjabi version: Kuddi Maar te sadkaan wich), so if he could just do whatever he remembered then he would definitely beat the champ at his own game. But he could remember only the cute chic and her unabashedly shown attractive midsection. The odds were stacked heavily against him as the tiger lunged into the ring and the animal music hit the jungle floor driving them mad. It was a very fancy piece put on by the tiger (called dharilal) and Sunny needed something special to save his buffalo mates. He came forward and planted his feet hard on the ground............

Obviously what you expect didnt happen, but lets just wait so that I can think about what actually happened. To my friends for whom there was not much action this time, I promise there will be lots next time, I just wanted to talk about crazy boring stuff to get more audience :)

Chapter 2 :The Brave must die

2008-03-03T02:29:00.000-08:00

Recap : We saw last week that Sunny finds himself in unknown territory and is reminded of the events of the day which involved him going through a highly entertaining song and dance sequence, followed by his never ending walk towards the tree of justice where the Panchayat would decide his fate in the matter of "smacked my bitch up" raised by Shamshera. Now the story continues :

"Bro, can you lend me a dollar..I m very hungry nd can use a hamburger to water the bitch..You know what I mean?? These were the words which broke Sunny`s thoughts. He saw that a dude was standing in front of him and talking in what was gibberish to him. Sunny could speak only in Punjabi/Hindi. He was sent to a nice school as a kid where he should have learned English, but he declared that English was a foreign language and since they didnt eat Indian pappad in the west, he would also not learn their language (as strange as it might sound to you, the entire school concurred with Sunny. After all, the school of sardars was too intelligent to reject such an intuitive statement). He only knew 3 words of English - F*** (because it can be used in any sentence), Please and swarry. So, he tried to communicate by saying, F*** mainu pareshaan naa kar please. The dude read between the statement (thought he was saying fuck me please) and ran away like he had caught a fire in his crotch. Sunny was pleased with his effective communication and stroked his moustache and patted his thighs in a sense of victory.

It was a chilly night and Sunny realized that he needed to go to a warm place as the hair on his arms were standing up and that spelt bad omen. He saw that a number of people were queued up at a place (club with a dance floor) a few meters away. He thought that it must be a temple and joined the queue. He was very hungry by now and praised the lord for saving him as he could get both food and a warm shelter in the temple. As he approached the entrance, he saw that there were a couple of burly guys guarding the entrance and people were showing them something, in reaction to which the hulks were stamping the pilgrims hands (again the eye of the dude, so used pilgrims there...they are actually a bunch of party freaks). Sunny was appalled at this sight and imagined some graphic sights of cruel beasts torturing innocent country people by blowing out hot fumes. He decided at once that it was time to show the power of Pappad and end injustice. As his turn came, the bouncer asked for his ID, to which Sunny replied F*** teri to -expletives in Hindi/Punjabi-- swarry (he just needed to use an English word at the start and the end). The man was confused, he didnt know whether Sunny was saying fuck off or sorry..Either way, he couldnt allow him without the id and so he asked for his id again. This time Sunny decided that he had had enough and Laaton ke bhoot baaton se nahi maante and so he threw a punch at the bouncer. This led to a fearsome battle between the 2 hefty doods.

As the battle raged (everybody loves kungfu fightin was being played in the disc), suddenly the song changed to 'Youth of the Nation' and one of the depressed junkies in the crowd got carried away and started shooting bullets. Sunny caught a tool in the chest during the shootout and so his eyes turned pale. Still he managed to throw his ongoing punch and knock out the bouncer before crashing on the ground. People say that your whole life flashes before you in those last few seconds and so Sunny was waiting for his memory to do that trick but it eluded him and his mind was totally blank (blank in the sense of memories..His brain was anyway hollow since his birth). People were gathered around the body when something strange happened :O

I guess thats enough for this week, and as that creep in crime report says, Chain se sona hai to jaaag jao and intezaar karo agle hafte tak coz it aint over until its over. I guess I can write a tv series on this story :)

ps: Dont try to look up "water the bitch" in any kinda urban dictionary or whatever. I just threw up an arbit phrase to mean Quench Hunger. I guessed it would make me a koohl brother :)

Is it time already??

2008-02-23T03:02:00.000-08:00

So, I`ve lied and that makes me a sinner, but then isnt grey what makes life so beautiful. I am glad that atleast people, especially Indians are so used to false claims (thanks to the in your face politics) that my whole crappy back in black assertion didnt meet any audience. But I wont take the blame for that, its alcohol which should be subjected to criticism. I think I am using but too often, so as Sunny pajji said in a memorable dialogue which sends shivers down the spine of any listener - NO IF NO BUTT sirf JAT...isliye mai kuch likhne ki koshish karta hoon and here it goes>>>

Long long time ago not so long ago (coutesy uru) there was this Jat dude called Sunny, strutting the streets of Downtown Seattle. He looked lost and confused, but neverthless confident. He was staring at all the people around him as if he was amidst the creatures belonging to a zoo ( I am sure the other people felt the same abt him but then I am the eye of the dude here). Initially, the sight of a hot chic made his heart go faster than a killer bullet , but then there were so many of them that his heart quit this freakshow and settled down eventually. He was having a hardtime digesting the fact that the exterior of his village had become what was in sight.

The morning had started in the usual manner with him drinking Lassi and practicing with frogs so that he can croak at the top of his voice when the opportune moment (which is omnipresent) shows up. Then came the usual song and dance sequence where he slammed his feet on the ground, raised his hand and shouted "whos your daddy" to the village folks, to which all replied dharam paaji in unison. Though Sunny was expecting his name, the chant of his fathers name left him in tears and being overtly sentimental he showered the people with gifts (his head bands, tshirts soiled in blood etc) and walked towards the Panchayat. Today was no ordinary day, he was in dispute with the village goon Shamshera over the critical issue of "smack my bitch up" and Panchayat was meeting today to decide the case. Shamshera was accusing Sunny of manhandling his beloved bitch Duggy (Shamshera`s version of Doggy). Now the catch was that Shamshera called both his girlfiriend and his female dog(bitch) as Duggi and nobody knew which Duggy he was referring to. As the Panchayat meeting place approached, Sunny walked in slow motion (partially because he wanted to forever delay this stupid meeting and partially because he wanted to look like a hero) and soon it was noon. As the clock struck 12, the Panchayat members quickly dispersed for a long lunch break and when they were bored with their speculation on what the actual case was about, they returned by which time Sunny had also almost reached the tree of Justice.

okay, now I have to say is it time to sleep?? I would say yes...Again I will ask myself...Really, is it time already?? I would reaffirm and so you will have to wait for the next time to know what happens in the Panchayat meet.. How does Sunny land in Seattle when he is clearly in a small village of Punjab that very morning :) So, till then...stay tuned and peace out...

Yo I am byack

2008-01-18T00:53:00.000-08:00

I havent written anything for a really long time and I think I miss my blogs :) so here I am back in black and as black as ever. My life has taken a U turn and I am back in school and since grad students are maggu (by induction), I am no different. How can I disregard the strong law of large numbers (what a geek!!). Anyway loads of things happened in the past year (mostly fun things), but I dont feel like revisiting them or I will break down and cry like a sissy. So, I will probably try to be active and do stuff which can be presented in a written form just for the sake of posting here :) and if research (yeah I am fooling you) takes a toll on me then I would say Bakhuda Lahoo ka Rang lal hota hai and fir kahani khoon and aansuwon ki zabani likhi jayegi.

Kuk Kware Kware

2007-05-19T13:29:00.000-07:00

Some time back, me and my friends(uru and bkc) went to the land of revelry - Goa. It was a helluva trip and we were drawn away from our morose lives and put into an exciting fun filled one for a few days. The journey itself was very painful as the buswallah thought that since many people might be wearing VIP (no need to adjust) undies they can adjust with cramped spaces, while he makes some extra bucks by adding an extra row of seats. As if the persistent discomfort was not enough, somewhere in between all the people around me started throwing up and induced this urge to puke in me. But I stood my ground and this was possible because I closed my eyes and remembered how Nimmo fought all odds in that serial Kya Hoga Nimmo ka and that gave me incredible strength. But the fun we had in Goa made all this hardship worth enduring.

We stayed in a small hotel near the Calangute beach (I later renamed it as "Kala Gult" after uru)and spent most of our time around that area. It was extremely hot and humid there but that didn`t dampen our spirits and we travelled quite a lot covering a few beaches and forts. Infact the only thing which curbed our enthu was the hangover which we had on the final day. On the penultimate day, we did most of our travelling and went to the "Dil Chahta hai"(Chapora) Fort and did some "Kuk Kware". After that we saw the Tirikul Fort which is disjointed from the mainland and so we had to take a ferry to go there. It was nice. On our way back, we stopped at the End of the World (Mandrem) beach and frolicked in sand and water as if there was no tomorrow. The waves were very strong and even a bawdy builder like me was made to do many saumersaults (the incoming wave knocked me down and the outgoing force from under just tossed my feet up) and I had a lot of salt in my mouth by the end of it. We came back to the Kala Gult in the evening and tried out Parasailing. It was exhilarating but we were brought down in no time and so I was sulking at how these people were robbing us of the assured quota of excitement which our money guaranteed :) So while we were cribbing, we sat there and had some beer and soon we were in Paradise. We had decided to have a proper booze session that night and gawd what a session it was. When I am tired, alchohol kicks in almost immidiately and I get totally bowled over. This day comes next only to the (in)famous "Swarry Night" in terms of the alchohol effect. But this time I was not the only one. All of us were equally high and it seemed as if we were in a musical. The damn Fainy shots were too hot to handle and I slept almost the whole night in a sitting posture on the beach. Next day we had this terrible hangover which I mentioned earlier and so we were slowed down. Still we went to the Aguda lighthouse and Bagha beach that day and in between found a quiet soothing place where I am sure many love stories as well as murder mysteries must have been written. Unfortunately (fortunately for others) I couldnt do that towel rubbing dance step which Salman Khan performed so elegantly in the song "Jeene Ke Hain Chaar Din". Perhaps humanity will bless me someday for skipping that.

Fast forward to present time, life sucks but atleast memories like these can give us a chuckle of delight. The trip was awesome and since pictures speak much more than words, the unfortunate ones who hit this page can go through some more pain and look at these :

http://picasaweb.google.com/kalyan.bollapalli/GoaTrip

http://picasaweb.google.com/abhijha/JeeneKeHaiCharDin

Mele mai ho gaya Kela !!

2007-04-27T08:32:00.000-07:00

When the procession arrived at the destination, they offered balls (cricket balls) on Pathan`s cemetry to pray for his lost form and soul. The code for summoning Akashwani was very simple. The people who wanted to seek Akashwani`s help just hadto use one of the products endorsed by Pathan in a clever way which would impress her. Puri brothers known for their cleverness had brought Gilette Razors and when they took it out, people started murmering coz they were already shaved and people started thinking about all kinds of dirty things. But Puri brothers in a trist with glory, shaved off their wigs.This smart move was followed by a round of fireworks as people again went into festive mood. They were stopped when a thundering voice called out

"Khud to Jale ho Mujhe bhi Jalate ho Rajajaani,

phir bhi thumak ke aati hoon kyunki mai hoon aakashwani"

Everybody grew silent and they all sat around the grave while the Puri brothers took centrestage. An old man stood up and narrated the bizarre incidents of the day and urged Aakshwani to solve the mystery. Aakashwani then blew a ring of fire burning down the poster of Pathan in order to warn the Puri brothers against lying. Om started his defense and what he said just swept people off their feet (ohh they were sitting right?? the old man who was standing fainted). Om said that he was actually umm attracted to men and so was very miserable in Mayapuri. He used to hang out with females in order to know stuff about their former boyfriends. Akashwani retorted by saying, "Stupid, instead of talking to girls here, you could have moved to UK and you would have made some really big guys happy"

Amrish then put forth his side of the story. What he said didnt go a bit with his husky voice and towering personality. He said that he was sleepy all the time and so although he loved the babes of Mayapuri, he couldnt be the father because he always slept off when things started spicing up. Obviously Aakashwani didnt believe him and said"Ther paapi, mai teri jubaan khenchti hoon" (meaning Hey Darklord, shall I have thee tongue). Amrish then pleaded that he was telling the truth and tried to explain his problem. He said that as a kid he was insomniac and so one day he just swallowed down hundreds of sleeping pills. While normalpeople would have died in such a case, his machoism saved him from death but placed this eternal sideffect upon him. All the people sympathized with him and the mood was very somber.

Now all the people obviously assumed that Madan was the father and they started congratulating Akashwani on her success. But Aakashwani asked them to shut up and asked Madan to speak up. Madan said that if Om and Amrish were not the father, then he must have been the father but he didnt know for real because he only knew that it takes a man and a woman for a child, but he didnt know that the father was the one who talks the most with the mother. People were confounded. A lot of profanity then filled the air. People believed that either this man was a total idiot (naive guy) or he was bluffing them. Aakashwani then calmed them down and asked a set of puzzles (too explicit to be written here :))which proved that Madan was infact a naive guy and people wondered why did the babes hang out with these 3 utterly incompetent and weird guys and they all said in unison "Chicks dig weirdos"

While all this was happening, Pentamma became consious and was told about the confusion surrounding the father of her child. She at once walked to the Pathan ka Kabristan and addressed the people. She said, "You guys are so stupid. Instead of doing all this you could have asked me about the father. Actually, none of the Puri brothers is the father."Again, people started murmuring. She continued, "Before coming here, I was very sad as my boyfriend had broken my heart and so I started meditating in an Ashram to alleviate my pain. After several days a Baba came to me and gave me a fruit, saying that it was the path to my redemption.That fruit has given me this child and these Puri brothers have been wonderful and have helped me to get over my past life so that I can make a fresh beginning." On hearing all this, some people clapped while most others said "Oh crap, whatever!!". Akashwani for once had failed to solve the case and people then realized that in a way it was good coz now they knew that even Angels are fallible and so everybody went back to their normal lives of cribbing about everything and throwing parties in between to relish this journey called Life :)

Duniya Haseenon ka Mela

2007-04-22T11:34:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in India, there is a town called Mayapuri which is extremely famous for its Puris - a balloon style blown up dish and also the 3 Macho Puri brothers(Madan, Amrish and Om) who stole the heart and other things of divas all over the world. The brothers were so charismatic that no female could ever resist them. The stories of their magnetism spread like wild fire (Elsewhere eligible bachelors like me were crying out "Ye aag Kab bhoojhegi" and people handed out Pudin Hara in response) and beautiful babes from all over the world came to Mayapuri to taste the Puris. Once they were there, they just couldn't go back as it was impossible to give up on the Fantastic Four.

So, the small town was swelling up with beauty and everything seemed wonderful until something weird happened on Friday the 13Th. While everyone was relishing their morning Puri, Pentamma (winner of the title of Southern siren) suddenly started vomiting. Now, this came as a shock to all the people as Puri was like "Amrut" and they all turned their heads vigorously (with the "Dsh-Dsh" background sound) 6 times. Now, this heavy turning of head (which is usually done thrice to express any emotion) broke the neck of a few people and even killed a significant few. So, an investigation was started to find out the cause of this whole incident. It was then learnt that there was nothing wrong with the Puri and the real reason behind Pentamma`s inexplicable act was that she was pregnant.

The news sparked a big round of gossip and the babes started speculating on who might be the father of the child. Obviously they all had different opinions and so this started a series of cat fights between the babes. Men from far off corners then converged on to Mayapuri to witness these beautiful fights. When all possible combinations of fights were done, they all went to the Puri brothers to put an end to this period of uncertainity. When the Puris heard the news, all of them feigned Heart Attack at the same time, but their simultaneous act coupled with their lousy acting gave them away and so they had to face the issue like real men. The only solution was by going to "Pathan ka Kabristan" were Aakashwani would make them talk and truth would find its way. Having decided that, a procession towards the destination started with

People singing Kawali
about Ek Phool kai Mali
kuch dete the gaali
baaki kehte the Jai maa Kaali

-------End of Volume 1------

Watch out for the concluding part "Mele mai Ho gaya Kela" comin soon on a flat screen near you. Tab tak apne Host and Dost Dilphek Nawab ko aagya dijiye (Till then your Host and friend Heart throwing Nawab will go come give)

Wazzup..

2007-04-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

Long long time ago, on this very planet a battle was being fought between Ram (leader of the Arctic Monkeys) and Ravan (the Lankan Gangsta). The cause of the war was the same thing that has hit mankind below the belt ever since - a chick (ooh, I go weak in my knees again). Now, during the course of the battle, Ravan`s son Jeetendra/Indrajit - The Jumping Jack (He became a force to reckon with a lot later on) diverted Laxman`s (Ram`s kid bro) attention with his flashy attire(AAah those white shoes) and shot home a Shakti Baan. Though Jeetendra looked stupid, he had actually delivered the knockout punch and Laxman was about to die. Ram was in splits as this meant he would have to face the ruthless Jeetendra all alone next time. But, some wise monkey suggested that Laxman could be saved by Sanjeevani Booty. Ram got very excited on hearing that and sent out Hanuman (His kids later became famous as Superman and Shaktiman in Hollywood and Bollywood respectively) to do the needful. After some time, Hanuman was seen coming with a mountain.

Narad (the AajTak Reporter looking for some Breaking News) : Whats Up??

Ram (looking up with excitement) : Hanuman is bringing some chick who will shake her booty to rejuvenate Laxman

Wise Monkey : Dood, its not some chick. Its a medicinal Shrub.

Ram (visibly perturbed) : what the ****. I have been alone for such a long time. I thought maybe I will also enjoy some item numbers while Laxman heals.

Narada (Confused) : So wassup

Ram : Something is up, but I am definitely down. Life suxxx.

This is how wassup was first used and then it became vastly popular as Narada used it everywhere to gauge mood swings (People used to fly a lot those days). Fast forward to present times and the word is so popular, that its inevitably used in the beginning of any conversation. Now, generally people respond with "Nothing Much" or if life is a happening mess, then they rant about it. But, sometimes some people (mostly jobless ones like me) do respond differently. Here are some of those :

Dude 1 : Hey wazzup

Dude 2 : Why do you ask me. Go look it up yourself...Freak

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Blonde female : Hey wassup

Desi Dood : Dorling ye bhi koi poochne waali baaat hai..Publically kaise bataoon

Blonde female : What??

Desi Dood : I saying first trip my to London

Blonde female (doesnt get his accent) : Sorry

Desi Dood : Egjhactly :)

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Ah there are many more koohl responses to Wazzup, but before people hunt me down and kick my ***, I would like to stop with immidiate effect.

Ye Lagga Chakka

2007-04-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

Well cricket seems to be all around these dayzz and when every Tomy (neighbourhood dog and a psycho professor), Chick (Mandira) and Hairy (siddhu) are throwing their balls, I thought why not me (Aakhir star kaun nahi banna chahta? Mujhe kya pata kaun nahi banna chahta..Mai banna chahta hoon boss). Many people are saying that instead of hitting chakkey (sixes), the Men in Blue thought its better to become one. But, I think they realize that sixes are there to be hit, so off the field I can see sixes being smashed all over the big wide world. Guru Greg is the baap of all Tarantinos and always has something juicy for us. We just love him mayt. If not for him, the postWorld Cup scene in India would have been such a boring affair with the team trying to keep a sad face as if someone had taken a bite of their favourite Lijjat Pappad and probably seeing that, BCCI would say that the boyjj played well, but the time was absolutely horrific as revealed by the 36-24-36 paasa combination of Pandit Jagannath (He is a dude operating in the kingdom of Chunnadgadh and always predicts something is going to be messed up by throwing some stupid marbles). Now, that players and coach are attacking each other, it just goes to show how good India is in Kabbadi (which btw is a very koohl game wherein the players just grab whatever they can off their opponents before they let out their bad breath which might kill many and amount to bio-chemical warfare). So, we can say that cricket is actually just a mask for showcasing the theatrical and kabbadi talents of our people. But even when we are talking of "Masala", I think our neighbours beat us hands down. They were so inspired by Hitchcock that they threw us an intriguing Murder Mystery in the midst of World Cup. In the words of their own commander "First of all Thanks to Allah, the boyjj played really well". So, even in that department we lost out on the crown :(

I dont really understand why people still get so overtly sentimental when our team looses a match, its not as if its a rare occurence. They have done it so many times, that it is more like a norm these days. But people, dont be disheartened. I know of ways which can turn your woes upside down. Yes, we can be a champion side, not only in Cricket but in any sport. The easiest way which I can think of is to borrow the Talwar-e-Sulaemani from Ramanand Sagar and shout out "Yaa Allah Kar Maddad" and the sword will take care of the rest. After that, it will be party time with Arabian chicks on a yatch. Another way is to put in our very own (D man himself) Sunny Paaji in the team and ask him to carry out his normal dialogue delivery whenever the chips are down and believe me I dont think that will happen more then once. So, when such simple and obvious solutions are there for the taking, I dont know what stops these sports bodies from taking them up. I think they are in Loveee and that has blinded them. How else can a rational man explain this observation. Well they just have to find a 7up bottle. Phir usse zattak se kholkar, fattak se pee jayain. Baaki Sab to Moh Maya hai.

Dood Where`s My Language

2007-03-11T22:46:00.000-07:00

I have been wondering about this for quite some time now and I sometimes feel saddened by the current state of affairs. English has penetrated our lives to such an extent that it has just washed away (or atleast its in the process of washing away) the significance of all other languages (the so-callednative ones). Now, its good that people are so comfortable with English because that is an essential element of globalization, but then is it good to loose something which was once a part of youridentity? Ofcourse if that something is in anyway contrary to the human rationale, then its better to loose it and march ahead, but I can`t see any perspective which gives that idea about Hindi or otherlocal languages of our country. Then why have people started giving a cold shoulder to these languages. Its as if any form of literary or artistic work has almost stopped happening in any other language other than English.

I hope that I am wrong and that I am a mis-informed individual, but then that doesn`t seem to be the case as I am not a total dumbo who doesn`t have a clue as to what`s going around. When I can hear of so many English best-sellers and hardly any thing in any other language, its natural for me to have this idea. If we take the current generation, we can hardly find people who are aware of great literary work in their languages, but then when you ask them about English, they just won`t stop and you will have a huge pile of books which they think is/was great.

Now,definitely its not as if our brains are too small to appreciate things done in various languages/forms. Its just that people have started associating a factor of "coolness" with English and other languages have lost their charm for them. They have just remained as colloquial languages now and that too is dying down fast. Now I might get a lot of brickbats for being all too sentimental about the state and then writing everything in English, but then I am a very lazy guy and its difficult to write a piece in Devanagari with the current set of keyboards. I don`t see keyboards with Devanagari characters in India, whereas almost all the keyboards in some of the Asian countries like korea have their respective language symbols on them. That signals a lack of demand and so its bothering. I myself am guilty of being ignorant about the masterpieces in Hindi and so I am trying to get my hands on some of the good work that has been done in Hindi/Urdu and feel a little happy :) I should say sorry to all the people who stumble or are forced to stumble :) upon this piece, for again writing something serious. But I hope that it gives you something to think about. I haven`t had anything or rather didn`t allow myself to think about anything for a loong time :D

Baawra Mann

2007-03-06T22:16:00.000-08:00

I just heard this amazing song "Bawra Mann Dekhne chala hai ek Sapna" from the movie "hazaron Khwahisein Aisi" after a long time and it just left me spellbound. The lyrics of this song is so potent and wonderful that I had to write this column and mind you thats a very big achievement considering how lazy I am :) The impact of the song is beyond words and the listening experience is just magical. Its hard to find songs these days which try to express any emotion or have a concept other than love for one's beloved. So its very refreshing to see songs like this. This one tries to capture the wishfulness of mind. Ofcourse the movie(which I felt was a great work of art) provided a perfect backdrop for this kind of song and once you see the movie, you can relate even better to this song. The song has been written and brilliantly sung by Swanand Kirkire (man what a debut!!). The music is very simple yet poignant and it weaves that air of dreaminess where your mind can wander freely. But still the best part of the song has to be its lyrics. The poetry is so good and the way it captures one's thoughts is simply amazing. I can go on and on about the song. I simply cant get enough of it. Some of the lines which appealed the most to me were :

Baawre se nain chahe bawre jharokon se bawre nazaaron ko takna
Bawre se is jahan mai bawra ek saath ho...Is sayani bheed mai bas haathon mai tera haath ho
Bawre se pair chahe bawre taranon ke bawre se bol pe thirakna
Bawra sa ho andhera bawri khamoshiyan..thartharati lauh madham bawri madhoshiyan..
bawra ek ghungta chahe haule haule bin bataya bawre se mukhde se sarakna..
bawra mann dekhne chala hai ek sapna

While I am at it, the title track of the movie "Hazaron Khwahisein Aisi" is also great, though I personally like the rendition of this great poem by Jagjit Singh for the TV Series "Mirza Galib". Now, this is one of those poems which stand as testimony to the greatness of the man called Ghalib. Its an absolute masterpiece.

Shuruat- The Beginning

2007-03-06T22:11:00.000-08:00

Hey folks, this is Abhishek. Finally I have decided to share what Mai aur meri Tanhai Aksar baatein karte hain. Waise it would have been nice if Tanhayee was my Girlfriend, but for now its just my loneliness (Tanhai is the Hindi word for loneliness). I just realized that if I keep on translating every Hindi word I use, then I might as well become an official translator for some politician and earn mega bucks :) There is bound to be a heavy usage of Hindi in my blogs as I feel much more natural in Hindi and I think this space is all about being myself and throwing around whatever crap comes to my mind. So, with that thought lets embark upon this journey.